Right Here Waiting For You
by Jbcjazz
Summary: Alex Cabot has just lost the love of her life, and it's her own fault. A moment, an emotion takes over. Anger and hurt gets directed toward your loved one, and suddenly you say something you don't really mean. The self inflicted pain is overwhelming and you are shattered glass and the slightest thing will case you to go into pieces, then suddenly that song plays on the radio. A/O
1. Chapter 1

First my apology to fanfiction for breaking the rules, I am very sorry.

Second, my story To the Moon and Back was taken down for breaking those rules and apologies to all the readies and to those affected. I was banned for two days and I will be more careful in the future.

**I am in a bad place everyone. I lost the love of my existence because of a stupid fight I started. Long story short, I told family about myself and well, this is being written in a cheap motel while I find a place to stay. My biggest fear has come true, I am alone and homeless…**

**And um, well I got a call from doctor today about my blood... I might have a health problem... I am scared to death and right now all alone, I need my Mistress... Karma is deciding to get me back for how awful I have been...**

**I want to apologize to my Castle, my Firefly, my Tiger. I took out my anger and pain from family out on the one I love more than life itself. I need you more than ever. I love you… Always. **

**I own nothing of SVU or the characters, the story is based on me. The song is owned by Richard Marx. Anyone living or deceased have had their identities protected and changed. This story about my heartache and therapy to get pain out.**

'_**Ocean's apart day after day**__**  
**__**And I slowly go insane**__**  
**__**I hear your voice on the line**__**  
**__**But it doesn't stop the pain, **__**If I see you next to never**__**  
**__**How can we say forever'**_

Alex wanted to turn the radio off but she just couldn't. This was their song. And though it now ripped her heart apart after her fuck up, the song gave her a hope that Olivia will come back to her.

The fight was just stupid. How can one moment ruin something so wonderful… Alex finally decided wearing her mask and living to please others while hurting herself on the inside had to stop. She loved Olivia more then anything and she decided to tell her family about the detective and come out. She had Liv no matter what, and her family loves her. They might be mad and some members might never talk to her again, but parents love their children, and would always be there for them even if angry at them, or so she hoped…

It all fell apart. She came out and told everything. It caused such a rift and the family foundation cracked. Alex's parents felt betrayed. Lied to and disgusted with her choices, they sent her away… Her choices… They believed Alex chose to be this way and loved a certain way. That she was just lonely and desperate. She really wasn't in love with Olivia. It was just an attempt to not be alone, or was brainwashed by the 'dyke.'

Instead of running to her lover's arms and letting her take care of her, Alex ran away back to office and built her walls up and had only one door for Olivia, no one else. The stubborn petty blonde that was also a cold hearted attorney nicknamed 'The Ice Princess' texted Olivia needing comfort but detective misunderstood. Alex Cabot never needed comfort. Always just time and distance to get head on straight before talking things out. So the big hearted brunette assumed that her baby girl just needed space.

Alex didn't though. She needed to be held and comforted. The problem, Olivia was busy. A major case dropped and the couple made a vow to understand that the job comes first. In fact Alex made sure the dedicated Detective knew that she was okay with that, but apparently Alex didn't know herself as well as she hurt woman just wanted an 'I love you' and 'I'm here, everything will be okay' then for Olivia to crawl in bed when she got home and spoon her. How many relationships ended due to not talking clearly or a misunderstanding?

'_**Wherever you go**__**  
**__**Whatever you do**__**  
**__**I will be right here waiting for you**__**  
**__**Whatever it takes**__**  
**__**Or how my heart breaks**__**  
**__**I will be right here waiting for you'**_

That was their promise… That no matter what happened or how bad the fight the was, they'd always 'Be_ Right Waiting For You.'_ They were Always and Forever. Alex pulled over having to stop driving. The tears clouded her vision and she didn't want to cause an accident, though at this time she wanted to die. The blonde was a mess. Her blue eyes framed were nite framed in red from crying as she relived the worst day of her life… and it was all her fault.

The fight started immediately. Olivia was busy at the precinct and Alex came stomping in like the bitch she was and took all of her pain and anger out on the poor detective. The stubborn stupid Attorney screamed at the detective how it was all her fault. That Alex had just lost her family and she needed Olivia but because of assumption and busy schedule, Liv had not been there for her Baby Girl.

Instead talking and understanding the bitch Attorney went with accusations. '_It's all your fault I lost everything… You never loved me… I was just a plaything… You are just like all the rest… You monster… You aren't even fighting for us anymore…I never want to see you again.'_

Olivia put up her walls due to the assault and instead of fighting she ran away emotionally, but who could blame her. Alex was attacking her. Liv gave up and took the blonde's stupid anger and mean words the truth, but Aex didn't mean any of it. She was just hurting so much and she just… She fucked up. Simple as that.

The tragic thing though wa Alex wanted to see Olivia again. See her every day, every morning, every night, every holiday, good and bad. The sweet detective wanted to propose when the time was right and she told the attorney that she'd make the little girl's dream wedding come true, Alex was Olivia's princess, but Alex couldn't wait. One day when taking a walk during lunch Alex walked into a jewelry store almost like she was being guided by an unseen force. She saw the perfect ring… Olivia's ring. That's what it was. As soon as the stones were discovered and set they destined to be on Olivia's finger. The blonde bought it right then and there and planned a romantic night out on Liv's birthday. A Broadway show, and then a proposal.

Alex was going to ask Olivia to be her wife, her always, her everything, her eternity, her one and done. But now… the ring cuts into her hand as Alex grasps it like a life preserver. The attorney was drowning. She lost everyone. And it was her own god damn fault.

Olivia left saying she did love Alex. That she was always her, 'Baby Girl' but then she cut off all contact. Emails, messages, texts, phone calls all ended with didn't exist or no longer in service…It was like she dropped off the planet. Alex's heart sank because she knew that Olivia must have taken the FBI's offer and went deep undercover. Which meant all attempts will be never heard. If Alex was a complete selfish asshole she could use ways to find her but that would just put Olivia in danger…

'_**I took for granted, all the times**__**  
**__**That I thought would last somehow**__**  
**__**I hear the laughter, I taste the tears**__**  
**__**But I can't get near you now.. **__**Oh, can't you see it baby**__**  
**__**You've got me going crazy'**_

Alex was falling into a deep panic attack. She tried to find comfort in her friends, texting them, calling only to hear '_Can't help you,' 'I'm sorry'_ and the worst… Nothing at all.

The blue eyes ached as the tears would just not stop. She hadn't eaten since that fight. She hadn't slept. She was now just a shell. She broke her promise to Olivia and hurt herself physically. Falling back into bulimia and self abuse. It was not guilt, or a ultimatum of stay with me or I will hurt myself and die. But a moment of weakness. Alex would be better at taking care of herself. She would see her counselor and make sure she would be okay as best as possible. But she needs Olivia. It's that simple. She needs her Tiger. Yes, a silly nickname to some but Olivia was a tiger in the bedroom. Growling and possessive in bed was something that drove Alex wild about the brunette.

'_**I wonder how we can survive**__**  
**__**This romance**__**  
**__**But in the end if I'm with you**__**  
**__**I'll take the chance'**_

Alex would not give up though. She will fight tooth and nail, crawl through hell and give anything to win Olivia back. Alex wants her Castle to her Beckett, her soul mate. It might take years, it might not happen at all. But Alex won't give up. She will never put Olivia in danger by doing something stupid while the detective did her duty for the country undercover.

Taking a shaking breath, and a moment to breathe. Alex would never be the same until Olivia was back in her arms. The young woman would do her best to make her young self's dream wedding come true, with her dream woman Olivia Benson. She would not rest until Olivia was her wife and that ring in Alex's hand was on Liv's finger.

'_**Wherever you go**__**  
**__**Whatever you do**__**  
**__**I will be right here waiting for you**__**  
**__**Whatever it takes**__**  
**__**Or how my heart breaks**__**  
**__**I will be right here waiting for you' **_

And that is exactly what Alex planned to do, never give up. She was in love with the wonderful beautiful Olivia Benson.

Alex will be 'Right Here Waiting' and do whatever it takes to win her soul mate back.

**Thanks to everyone of my readers for being so great. I don't know how often I will update Tame and all my stories but soon. I am kinda scared of losing my stories now, after losing the one so I have to save them.**

**To the Moon and Back… Love you for forever, like you for always, And for all eternity your baby girl I'll be. **

**Call me, text me... just, I... ya**


	2. Chapter 2

**So with my blood; best outcome…Bad infection somewhere. Worst… cancer, and sadly that runs in the family. I am still homeless and still looking for a place to stay, and no word from my Mistress… I am not surprised. I truly fucked up. I can't say sorry enough to what I done. But I won't give up hope, I just can't. She will read this someday…**

**I want to thank those who messaged or review. I just want to say thank you. I really need it right now. All I seem to do is cry and I just want my Angel back. And kind words and support are keeping me alive right now.**

**This chapter is a journal entry/poem Alex (in first person) writes about Olivia and her break up. I will be making this into a story/journal/emotionally healing and hopefully a love letter to win my true love back.**

**Again, this is based on my life but all facts changed enough to protect those in it, aliases, etc.**

**I own nothing, and sadly that's how I feel. I apologize for my pity party, but last time I hurt this much is after my sister was killed, then later found out she was raped.**

Wednesday August 27

So my Psychologist said I should write my feelings down in a journal. Well, fuck that. I hate journals. I will never be sitting on one rainy day years in the future and want to read about myself. Especially in a time where I am so miserable and throwing a huge pity party. But then again, God I wish I could have written every moment with Olivia.

I am so lonely. The world is less bright, the sounds dulled. Tastes are bland and touch is numb. My coworkers either say, "It will all work out." Or "Give her time." To even, "Forget her, move on." But people like them don't understand. You truly won't until you find your soul mate and are ripped away from them. It's a huge lose. You feel hollow inside, but your guts were carved out. It aches and just… I feel cold. Maybe I truly become the Ice Princess.

So I decided to try the journal so my doctor won't guilt trip me and then I can have a right to complain and say how it didn't work. It's another day. Another day of not hearing from my Olivia, and I don't feel any better than the moment it happened. In fact I feel worse. Mainly because it was my fuck up, I did this to myself. I hurt her and that is what kills me. I did this. If I would have just shut up and just … I am going to regret this all of my life. I need her back. I really can't live without her. I don't know how I lived before her either.

You might not know this about me but I write crappy poetry. Who the hell am I talking too? Maybe I am going crazy. It's not like anyone will read this, who would want too. It's a bitter woman's self hatred written down. I try and keep busy. I work out so hard and long that I collapse into bed falling asleep immediately, to having music, TV, and other background noise to keep my thoughts away. But all I do is watch my phone, or my inbox online just praying a message will arrive (Did Einstein not say that doing that same thing over and over and expect something different results is the definition of crazy? I guess I am going nuts). And when one does and it's not her… My heart breaks even more. Why do this my future self or random snooper may ask?

Maybe it's me seeking atonement. My own personal whipping post, waiting until I have been forgiven and my penance paid. I am trying hard not to do something stupid or self abuse because I promised Liv I would take care of myself. Just, I don't know how she can just cut me off like this completely. I know I said horrible things but god, I am doing everything I can to contact and see her without putting her in danger or being some creepy stalker.

I know I am just a fool. And I have a fool's hope that she will actually hear my pleas. I doubt she even has any idea or even tried to seek me out. Maybe she doesn't even care or love… No. NO, I refuse to give up. I promised I'd "Be Right Here Waiting," not matter what or what feelings are for each other I would be HERE and I will do my best everyday to make sure she can contact me. I will be tied to my phone. I will be writing stories that she begged me to write. One's about our favorite shipping couples like Caskett, or Rizziles. So I will keep writing for her. That one day she will look at my story and maybe come back.

I think to myself, is she even alive? How many times a day does her mind and heart think of me? Maybe not at all? Will she give me another chance? Will this ring be around my neck forever on this chain, a weight that pulls me down like the chains that weighed down Jacob Marley in A Christmas Carol and not where it's supposed to be on her finger? Will the Wedding dress I found be worn by some other woman on the day her and her love are married? How many cats will I have before being known as the weird lonely crazy cat lady?

Well I promised a poem and a poem it shall be. A shitty one, but one anyway,

_A Moment is full of choices and possibilities,_

_An action or reaction depends on abilities._

_Fight or flight are instincts bred from our past,_

_Chance, luck, destiny, fate, or last die is cast._

_The things that you do and those you accuse,_

_Risk of the gamble and the pain when you lose._

_Be careful my friend, never feel safe and secured,_

_Never take for granted, or your love be obscured._

_Words can hurt, and do not speak in vain,_

_Unless you are ready to live with the pain._

_I regret what I did and didn't mean what I said._

_I know that you love me, and I don't wish you dead._

_How can I atone for the things that I did,_

_My childishness, my temper I did not keep lid._

_My Angel has flown back to heaven above._

_Away from me, on wings as white as a dove._

_Too far for me to reach, Too far for you to hear,_

_I scream and plead to my true love I hold dear._

_Onto my knees I fall, and breathless I pray,_

_She'll hear what my heart truly wants to say._

_A warning to all that read and heed my call,_

_Be careful with words they hurt after all…_

**Yes it's Awful I know. And poetry for me is hard and unlike my stories I really feel naked and judged more with poetry. SO please be kind. I hope to write a chapter of Tame soon, and I know a lot of you probably hate this story I am writing but remember it's For Mistress and it's also for me to get these feelings that are eating me alive out and therapeutic.**

**Always and Forever, Forever and always, your Kit Kat I am, and your Ally Kat I'll be.**


	3. Chapter 3

**So waiting on doctor's appointment for blood work, this is a nightmare. I don't have insurance so it's going to cost me. And I don't have a home still, and my savings is quickly taking a huge hit, along with pills and … sigh. I'm really trying to keep going but I can't do it alone anymore. I'm not strong enough. **

**I really need you Mistress. I hope you just haven't read this story yet. I am heartbroken enough and if you are ignoring me, I just couldn't take that. After all we had please give us another chance; it was a nightmare fight but we're soul mates. Please try to understand. I made huge mistake, and I love you. I fell in love the moment we met. I will do anything… please. I don't think I can live like this without you. I have no one… **

**I do want to thank those that review and my internet fans. Dragonsprit, Bucken-berry, Jet MacLeod, Grassysvu67, Cabson, SVUPrincess1998, Hilt51, Puzzle21, Oaron, Butterfly2202, LittleSpooky, and the broken hearted king, and guest. Just… thank you, I am surviving on your kind words and hope.**

**I want to thank Cabson for the nod in her story Just the way you are. It is a great story and tackles issues that are very important to me and if there is anything I can do for you please, please ask.**

**I own nothing. Except the experiences I share in my story while protecting identities.**

"This is so embarrassing," Alex fell back on the emergency room bed hands covering her face. "Look, I am fine. I just overdid it at the gym and was dehydrated."

"Miss Cabot you collapsed and though you were conscious, you did not understand the questions asked to you." The older nurse named Janae explained.

"This is ridiculous. They didn't need to call an ambulance. Look, I am just going to go. I will pay my bill and just drink some water, eat a granola bar or banana and take a nap." The blonde tried to grab her things to leave.

"Please Miss Cabot it will only be a moment we had to draw some blood and after passing out you need to take some tests to make sure you don't have any other injuries, or if there is something else going on. And we have to stay until we rehydrate you. So, please just be patient and let us do our job, otherwise I might have to strap you down until that IV bag is empty." Janae huffed. She was getting frustrated with the woman in front of her. She hoped the doctor would come in soon.

"God, fine." Alex laid back. The poor woman just wanted to get her world back to where it was.

_**Later in the day back at Alex's apartment.**_

Alex Cabot dropped into her chair after closing all the drapes casting her room in a state of darkness though only four in the afternoon. The young attorney just wanted to disappear and hide herself from the world. Early results in her blood showed she was low on iron, dehydrated, and had a high level of white blood cells. After taking more blood the vampires let the poor girl leave. The doctor's told her she was suffering from exhaustion. No shit. Alex Cabot hadn't slept well in days. The doctor made her promise to make sure she would take a few days to recoup, and make sure to eat and drink a lot of fluids while getting plenty of rest.

The blonde reached for a blanket she had on the couch and her stuffed Snoopy. The blonde had left them there after waking in the morning. She realized that she had nodded off in the middle of the night while channel surfing, her mind to active to sleep. Alex had yet to have a good night's sleep since Olivia left. She lacked quality and quantity. But it wasn't her fault. She WAS trying. But how can you expect her to sleep in the bed that they shared. She took the sheets off and put them in a plastic bag along with Olivia's pillow. It might sound weird but she wanted to save Olivia's smell on her pillowcase, now covered in tears.

"Snoopy what are we going to do?" Alex kissed the worn down nose of her only friend now. '_If the scum I prosecute and their attorneys could see me now. The Ice Princess sitting alone in the dark wrapped in a blanket holding her stuffie'_

"I am so sorry. I know you are missing your friend." Alex was referring to Olivia's stuffed animal she had growing up. A cute unique thing the two women shared, their stuffies from childhood still companions in their lives. "I am trying to get them back. I promise."

The doctor's asked after finding out Alex had difficulty sleeping and inquired if she'd like to take a mild sleep pill for a few days. She told them she didn't want them. Alex was afraid of somehow relying on drugs to help her sleep and relax would become an addiction. The scared blonde didn't want to admit either that it was just a little too tempting right now to just swallow the whole bottle full but the attorney would not break her promise to Olivia if she did. She already broke the one of taking care of herself. She failed and her stupidity resulted in an emergency room visit. She didn't want to break another promise.

The young woman looked at the bottle pills the doctor's gave her anyway next to the last book the two lovers were reading together sat on the coffee table. They had a wonderful time cuddling on the couch reading to each other chapters. Alex loved when she would suddenly hear a soft snore by her lap as Olivia had fallen asleep while reading. Olivia was a very beautiful woman. She was very strong and to the world she was a kick ass butch Goddess. But Alex knew Olivia also had an inner child that craved attention and it warmed her heart to see Olivia smile like a small child getting her first ice cream when they did something juvenile and silly.

The pills were screaming at her, tempting Alex to escape the world for a few hours. Promising a dreamless deep sleep. It sounded so good. But she just couldn't do it yet. Olivia would roll her eyes when Al would complain about a migraine or headache and would refuse to take even a small aspirin, let alone any other type of pill. Alex's favorite excuse for not taking even a simple pain pill was that Bayer aspirin had Nazi ties and would never take Nazi pills. The brunette laughed at first but then after buying Tylenol and other pain killers to please the blond, Alex still refused inciting that she could deal with the pain. This turned into a challenge for Liv. Would the blonde take the pill or not? Olivia knew that if it was a yes, then something was seriously wrong.

Another thing Alex refused to do when in this type of mood was consume alcohol. Just like the pills, it would be too easy to just take a drink and let the alcohol numb her senses and forget for a while. But it almost never stops at just one, and it's just a band aid on an open wound, a moment of escape from an unsolved problem. Then usually resulted to drinking more and more and it became a sickness. Alcohol was an avoided topic when the two women were together. After all the bad experiences with her drunk mother Olivia was wary she would fall down the same path. Alex rarely drank anyway. An occasional wine here or there, but the bottle in the kitchen sure sounded good right now. No she wouldn't do it. With Alex's luck Olivia would come back or call and the blonde would be drunk off her ass and something bad might happen.

The young woman's phone was her constant companion and finally Alex had to buy a spare battery just in case it ran low and she had no way to charge it. What if Olivia called or texted and the phone died? She might take that as we are done permanently, or she refused to answer her phone and never call Alex again.

Sighing the sad girl pulled Snoopy closer. Alexandra Cabot found one of her favorite shows on TV, and let the familiar cast and episodes play out as her mind drifted in and out. Trying to concentrate on story lines she seen dozens of times, but Olivia just kept coming back to her thoughts.

"Why can't she just come back for real, and not just in my head…"

**This was a pathetic chapter I know. But I am doing everything I can to update this story to keep it near top just in case my Love sees it, reads it, and maybe… contact me.**

**As always thanks for those around me and keep me in your prayers. I need them right now. Thank you all. **

**I love you Fishy Face**


	4. Chapter 4

**SSDD. And for those that don't know what that means, same shit different day. No change. And I got appointment with doctor next week. Still no good sleep and I'm depressed out of mind.**

**No word from my Love. Still not giving up hope but am feeling quite foolish right now. I know I am an idiot and should move on but I can't throw away one and a half years with my soul mate because of my own stupidity.**

**Anyway, I love you Mistress, please text me. I am begging you please.**

**I am really missing my family even if they are mad at me and kicked me out. I still love them and so this chapter is using another song talking about that and some side story. They won't take calls.**

**I own nothing, and am using my own life experiences as inspiration for this story and changed names and things enough to protect those that might resemble characters. I do not own any songs by the Beatles.**

'_Once there was a way, Too get back homeward. Once there was a way, Too get back home Sleep Pretty Darling, Do not cry And I will sing a lullaby'_

**Beatles "Golden Slumbers"**

Alex drove by her parent's home for the third time that day. With a heartbreaking sigh, she turned the corner and made her way back to her apartment. The blonde was not welcome at her childhood home for the time being and she didn't know when or if she would be allowed back. After entering her apartment she set her car keys down and purse. After she removed her shoes, she decided to take a hot shower.

After walking down her hall the young woman flicked on her bathroom night and started the shower. As she stripped off her clothes she notices her ribs are more pronounced than usual and if Olivia saw, she would drag Alex over to the fridge and force feed her ice cream and cookies.

As the shower temperature rose, Alex turned on the waterproof radio needing something now to always be on. The TV, radio, or iPod, she needed noise to keep her mind occupied or otherwise her inner voices would tear her apart. The problem though, is that the world must have been playing some practical joke or in the mood to punish the blonde after her fuck up. Each channel of the TV or station on the radio would barrage her with constant songs and stories of lost love and heartbreak.

Today seemed to be about her family and going home. At least God or karma took one day, to give the blonde a break from assaulting her with things that reminded her of Olivia and their break up. But, instead now they focused on her crippled relationship with her family. Alex just longed to be held by her mom and comforted with words from her dad, but that was as far away a hope as was hearing from Liv.

Sliding down the shower wall Alex sat on the tiles. The woman's tears mixed with the drops of water cascading down upon her from the shower head. The water was scalding hot, another way for the young attorney to punish herself. Pale skin turned bright pink to red but Alex didn't even feel it. The numbness on the outside lingered while the pain on the inside tore her heart to pieces. Soon Alex stood and started to scrub hard with the loofah trying to wash the guilt and dirtiness she felt covered in away. A frustrated broken scream escaped her throat as she finally broke completely.

Alex finally awoke and found she was curled in a ball on the floor of the shower. Her teeth chattered as the water had turned ice cold and rained down on her feeling like icicles pelting her skin. Alex's body ached and she shook freezing. She quickly turned the water off and left the shower grabbing multiple towels to dry her sensitive skin and hopefully get warm.

She felt like a true Ice Princess now. Alex turned up the heat in her apartment and put on long pajamas. After she wrapped herself in soft blanket and Snoopy by her side, she turned on her TV searching for a movie this time to keep her company.

"Well Snoopy how about an action movie? One with over the top acting, a nonsensical story and unbelievable explosions, you know, the ones Olivia used to drag me too." Alex smiled at the memory. Although it hurt to think of Olivia and missed her terribly, she needed the happy memories to smile at to keep going.

"God, I remember one that the main character had the ability to tap into the unused 90% of our brains. It was so ridiculous. I told her that was proven years ago that we used all our brain, but then Liv had the audacity to shush me in the theater! I mean come on, how stupid are the writers to not know that is the biggest load of shit. At least that gave me time to put the moves on her in the theater." Alex blushed at the memory. Snoopy stared at her like he wanted to hear more, or Alex imagined.

"Well you see Snoopy, I waited for a moment where Olivia was entranced with the terrible story line and fake over the top explosions. She kept reaching into the popcorn bucket in my lap. So I moved the popcorn bucket and when she reached down to grab a handful…" The Blonde giggled. "She got one. You should have seen her face when she cupped me feeling how wet I was, good thing I was wearing a skirt and hiked it up." Alex then sighed missing her girlfriend even more.

Memories of making love all night long to cute little cuddle sessions to heavy make out battles of who will get the upper hand showed through her mind like a photo album. One memory in particular kept coming to the forefront. It was the day that Olivia first wore a strap on and 'claimed' Alex as her own. It was the first step into the kink filled relationship they dove into together. The blonde writhed and moaned so loud the neighbors banged on the wall. That only seemed to encourage the brunette on. After they both had a mind blowing orgasm, they laid exhausted. Olivia on top of Alex, their body's slick with sweat and their own arousal, and smiles permanently fixed to their faces, all that was heard was their deep breathes and declarations of love.

Alex found an old 80's action comedy action movie that Olivia knew almost by heart where the action hero ran around getting shot at while in bare feet. Somehow that equated to it being a Christmas classic. I prefer something a bit more festive and sentimental, but as long as someone hints its Christmas while shooting foreign terrorists that makes it a Christmas time movie.

But right now Alex would willingly watch movies like this every night if Olivia would only come back…

**Thanks to those that read and reviewed. It brings a smile to my face. I still plan on updating Tame soon, and I might start some other stories I have been thinking about writing but never have. Please keep me in your prayers. I need it, Hopefully I can go home again, and my blood will show I am fine and my Mistress will come back.**

**I love you Tiger, I need you Firefly. Please… this ring belongs on your finger… Contact me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**It's been a week now since one of the worst days of my life, and my biggest mistake of my life. I hurt just as much today as I did last Sunday. Six days without word from my Mistress… She said she loved me before disappearing. I said awful things out of pain, and now my life fell apart at the seams. I could and can face anything with my Love by my side. But alone I am not doing well. I am falling with my hand out reaching for help and I grasp nothing.**

**Please Mistress, I need you. Take me back. I won't ever give or stop writing and sending my message out to you that I need you back. **

**I find out my blood results in the next few days and I am terrified. I am also still looking for a place to stay. Anyone want to adopt me? **

**Dick Wolf owns SVU. **

"Cabot, dinner for one?" The attendant called out with Alex's take out order from their favorite Indian Restaurant.

Alex blushed as she saw couples and families watch the lone woman walk toward her waiting order. After paying the bill, the blonde lowered her gaze and walked out imagining she heard under the breaths of the strangers '_Poor girl, she must be all alone.' 'There is nothing sadder then eating a meal by yourself.'_

As soon as the air hit Alex after leaving the restaurant, she breathed it in annoyed. She knew that no one really cared if some stranger ate alone or not. But just hearing her name and dinner for one felt like you might as well put a blinking neon light saying '_ALONE… SINGLE… BITCH…' _

"Come on Cabot. You are trying to not pity yourself. You are out of the house, getting your favorite dinner and … taking it home to eat with no one. But still I am out and about, and better then rotting in my hole." Alex tried to perk herself up.

The blonde shook her head and strands of her hair fell around her face framed by her black rimmed glasses. For the longest time she hated wearing glasses and tried to wear contacts while out of her home. That was until Olivia told how hot those glasses were, so the blue eyed attorney chucked the contacts in the trash and almost always wore '_The Glasses of Justice'_ as Olivia dubbed them. Alexandra Cabot would do anything to make Olivia happy, and horny.

Alex new she was in trouble when she started looking at pictures of cat's on her laptop and adoption centers. She was not ready to take care of her first pet alone. She had them growing up, but to be totally responsible for a living thing, she couldn't make a relationship work, how the hell could she keep a cat alive. Plus she found out when walking into the shelter she is highly allergic to real dogs and cats. So her Snoopy would have to do.

"Snoopy I'm home!" Lex called out to the inanimate object and yes, she felt like a crazy freak but it made her feel less alone.

After getting her Coconut chicken kurma out of the containers and rice, Alex stirred the mixture together the smell making her mouth water. She grabbed her garlic naan bread and proceeded to consume her '_Diner for one.'_

After eating Alex powered her laptop up and looked up some local book clubs or creative writing night classes. After a while she sighed and realized she just didn't have the time to take a class with her job as an ADA. That really hurt too. She was starting to like the idea of writing again. That stupid assignment of keeping a journal had made her rediscover an ignored talent. Yes, she wrote opening statements and weaved closing statements that painted pictures to juries. But she missed the creative outlet of coming up with a story and letting the characters speak through you.

The blonde turned on her music shuffle and opened up a new document to start writing again. Sadly the story was one of depression. Alex decided to employ a technique she remembered from college. The writer set her phone timer and randomly found an article on some news website. After reading the story that was about a fad people were now obsessed with, making videos for some charity by doing some weird physical challenge Alex decided to write her opinion on it.

She found it amazing so many people were doing it and making people aware of this charity, but it annoyed her that some people were doing it for fun or attention and not donating or mentioning the charity. Hell, one video had a girl that said the wrong disease before doing it. She made a mental note to donate some money.

The timer beeped signaling her to stop typing about her opinion on the article. Alex had a small smile on her face and decided to try it again on another topic, then another. One was about a sports team mascot being offensive and the argument from both sides, while another was about the new baby panda at the National zoo.

The attorney's phone chimed not in alarm but in a call. The blonde's heart stopped and her stomach tied into a knot. She didn't recognize the number. '_Could it be Olivia?' _

The anxiety started to surface as she got her hopes up. Alex Cabot picked up her phone and in a small shaky voice answered, "Cabot?"

"Hey Alex, it's Fin. Sorry for calling on a strange number, but we had to chase the guy and after a… let's just call it a physical arrest my phone didn't survive. Luckily I remembered your number."

Alex's heart dropped to her feet shattering and a tear fell down her cheek. "Oh, it's okay Detective. I am impressed you remembered it actually." The poor woman knew it wouldn't be Liv but she still let herself hope it might be. '_God I am an idiot.'_

"Yeah well, after the first time I got a new phone and was entering your number and Olivia recited it from memory without missing a beat I knew… Oh god, sorry Alex, I didn't mean to." Fin swore under his breath.

Alex Sighed.

"It's okay Fin. No need to apologize. Anyway, what can I do to help you with this case?" The Attorney mask fell into place and took over.

**Masks can be wonderful. Hide your face so the world can never find you. But then masks can be a curse. You can forget who is under that mask and lose yourself. I don't know who I am. I play a part to people in hope of pleasing everyone and making friends or finding love. But is that really me? Or am I the undercover agent that has forgotten my true self and all my past masks and identities erased who I really am.**

**Mistress, you were supposed to help me. That you'd never leave. Even if hurt, we would still work it out. Why won't you help me find myself? Why won't you message or text me? Why won't you give me an answer to my proposal?**

**Will you wear this ring? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Mistress, remember your Dear Princess Letter with all the things you loved and wanted to do with me? Please remember all them, I read them every night, my laptop died and I don't have your number on my cell, I need you to text or call. I just… please.**

**My old laptop died. And I mean died. I lost all my stories and pictures and info on it, I am glad I backed all of it up. Except I did lost the last few chapters of tame and also all of Right here waiting. But that is fixed easily. We can just add it onto the list of things that have gone wrong.**

**So, no word. Mistress please, I really hope you just haven't seen these updates but I am begging you to please message me, this is not fair. After all we been through. After everything I believe you owe me a second chance. Just talk to me. I am so in love with you and you are all I have thought about. Message me please. Let show that I am here for you too. I promised to help you through everything and be here always. I am showing that by updating every day with these messages. **

**I am going to be writing shorter chapters for a bit. I want to keep this and my other stories updated as much as possible just in case my Love might see it. **

**I found a cheap place to stay apartment wise for the time being but I only have my bag full of some clothes, new laptop I had to buy. And tomorrow I find out my blood tests results. I miss my family and I am starting to get resentful that I am begging for my Mistress and she refuses to answer. She said she loved me before breaking contact. Please prove it. I need you.**

**I own a new laptop but not SVU or its characters. I also own nothing of Nathaniel Hawthorne of Scarlet Letter.**

_**(Quick note, some people were confused. Fin was talking about a past experience with a new phone and no one except FBI know where Olivia is at for undercover assignment. I can't write Olivia's part until My Mistress comes back and writes her. We are a team and were writing together. Please Firefly come write with me again.)**_

"Well, I am loving this whole new trend of shaming. The other day I drove by the school my Logan goes too, and they had this girl at the corner holding a sign telling where and what she stole. The little sl… tramp had stolen a push up bra. She will never do that again." A stuck up woman in cashmere sweater judged.

I had joined a book club in my neighborhood forgetting that a bunch of snooty bluebloods used it not for reading but for gossiping and looking down their noses at others. I held the copy of the Scarlet Letter I had last read in high school in my lap as the woman make parallels about how shaming today is a good idea and maybe they need to bring it back. That the little hussies that their rich husbands cheated on should wear items declaring their sins.

Pulling a strand of blonde hair behind my ear I rolled my eyes knowing that a lot of these women had a hunk of beef on the side as well. I was the new kid as school so to speak. I was the shy girl that was sitting at the out siders lunch table with the divorcees and elder women knitting. I hadn't read the book since high school but I still remembered it quite fondly. I felt a kinship to the Reverend in the story. Hiding a secret that ate me up inside. I was a gay woman from a rich conservative family and I ended up abusing myself to essentially pay for my sins.

I could tell that none of these women read the book. They probably read the back blurb and decided that it could be something to gossip about and something to use as a reference to some Cause they wanted to scream about. It was always something. In the 80s it was Tipper Gore and her Crusade against the evil music of the day. Then video game violence was what made kids shoot up schools. Instead of really researching and holding their own kids or selves accountable, it was '_my little Timothy was corrupted and blah blah blah.'_

I wanted to scream that they missed the point but then again everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if they are a bunch of hypocritical bitches.

"Don't mind them, dearie. They don't cause any real trouble. They are just all judgmental talk. In fact, you didn't hear this from me but watching them is better than my stories on TV." The little old lady giggled next to me.

"I just get so mad and frustrated… I mean, first off there is a difference between someone accused of a felony or murder on trial and being in the news and putting some kid out for people to mock and bully later. I see how embarrassing the culprit might cause a kid to stop doing bad things for a bit, but they will still do it later. But now they have the anger and resentment from the law, parents and bullies." I whispered to the knitting granny.

"We all have skeletons and sins in our closets, my dear. Honestly a good spanking in my day was enough to keep me from doing anything bad. Well, until I was married then I was quite naughty for my Winston." The oversharing widow confessed.

"Yeah, right." What the fuck do I say to that?

**Later at home.**

"Not once did they talk about the book. And used what they THOUGHT it was about for their own agenda, then that old lady just kept talking. She was nice, but now all I can see is Grandma Moses getting spanked my Methuselah." I said between bites of my brownie sundae to Snoopy.

I sighed and looked at my book laying on the table. I refused to get a tablet or whatever the hell people used now instead of a book. Nothing beat the feel of the paper between my fingers as I turned a page. The smell of new and old copies of my old favorite classics, to new best sellers that capture my heart. Olivia agreed with me. We loved reading our books together and I always secretly wanted my name on the cover of a book I wrote.

I looked at the book shelf that we shared fought the tears wanting to fall. Olivia's favorite childhood book once occupied a special spot. She fondly remembered her mother reading it to her when she wasn't drunk. It was now missing. My love had taken it when she left. It was hers after all and I had no right to it but I missed it.

"To the moon and back my Love…" I spoke to the empty room. Once occupied in my arms but still in heart, my Soul Mate.

**I will never give up. Even though I am hurting, and frustrated. I am hurting more than anytime I was hurt any fight we had. I am so sorry, please give me another chance, and let us try for always. I am here for you, to help you, hold you, support you and love you. CALL OR TEXT ME.**

**I am soaked from sitting in the rain on the swing realizing how I fucked up everything. I am at your door knocking hoping you'll answer. I am your Beckett just wanting you, just you. And you are my Castle. We are for always. **


	7. Chapter 7

**All I can say is I love you and message me Mistress.**

**Thank you guys and reviewers for keeping me going. This chapter is why this story is rated M.**

**I own nothing.**

"Yes! Yes! YES!" I screamed while Olivia pounded me with her new strap on.

She had gotten quite the collection now of sizes and styles. Ever since the first time we had tried sex with Olivia wearing a harness and faux cock, she seemed to be insatiable. The first time was experimental and soft. Going slow and seeing what we liked. Turns out I liked to be fucked. Hard and fast.

"You like that slut don't ya? You like my big cock in your cunt." Olivia degraded me.

I loved it. I found numerous kinks I had and the list seemed to grow each time. At first I felt ashamed, but my soul mate helped me realize it was perfectly fine and was just part of a scene. That we both know we didn't mean the words said when we switched and I was the dominant and I was spewing the filthy language.

"OH GOD YES! I love your cock!" I answered my Mistress's question while she pounded me from behind.

Olivia smirked as I suddenly yelped after she spanked my ass. A red mark already appearing on my pale cheek. This drove her to fuck me harder and my breasts swung almost out of control. My arms started to shake as I panted feeling my orgasm grow closer.

"That's right you love me cock, oh and Olivia is fine. I don't want to get to big of head thinking I am a God. Though I am hung like one." The olive skinned woman teased.

I would have chided her or rolled my eyes had Liv said that in any situation other than fucking me, but shit, I was too far gone. My eyes did roll though, but they were rolling back as my toes started to curl. My pussy started tightening around the dildo and Olivia started to have a little bit of difficulty keeping her speed up with my muscles contracting around the toy.

She knew I was getting close now. And she wrapped her arms around my middle and lifted me so her breasts pressed into my back and I plunged down onto her cock. I groaned as she palmed a breast massaging it while her other sought and found my hardened sensitive clit.

"Mmmm, come on baby girl. Beg." The dominant brunette whispered in my ear.

"PPPPllleeeeaaasseeee." I drawled and my hips rose and fell as Olivia kept hers moving fucking me.

Olivia snorted and stilled for a moment but felt like a freight train out of control suddenly hitting a mountain. I whined and tried to rise on my knees and fuck myself on the faux cock panicking that I was so close and wont' finish.

"That was pathetic kitten." Liv squeezed my tit and dug her nails into my soft globe. "Try again."

"Olivia please. I need to cum. I am so close. I can't take it, I'm begging you. Please may I cum?" I begged.

"Hmm, a bit better but I want to her how your pussy feels. Better describe it well and I want to hear that word my horny slut." Olivia husked as she licked a trail from my neck to my ear before biting down on my neck marking me. She slowly started her rhythm again, rolling her hips driving her cock further into me.

"Fuck… I … oh… my cunny… it, oh." My teeth chattered as I hissed from the bite.

"Yes? What about your cunny? Olivia giggled. She loved it when I was so out of it and begging that I seemed to talk in this cute little words for sex.

"I … gonna cummies. OH, please can I cummies?" My breath hitched and I jerked as she hit my spot.

"That's the word. SO cute, yes baby girl. You may cummies. But you will say my name while you do it." Olivia smiled as she sucked on her mark on my neck soothing it with her tongue.

"Ooooolllivviaaaaaa!" I screamed.

I scream her name as I rose from my pillow panting. I sat up and looked around my dark bedroom. I felt the familiar burn and ache in my sex. I ruined Olivia's boy shorts with my arousal. She left a couple of pairs of her panties and I will never admit how that I wear them to feel closer to her. But she wasn't her. I was still alone.

I curl my knees up and start to weep. My head rests buried on my knees and hair fell around my legs. I move on hand up to my neck and I swear I feel a sore spot. That a love mark was there bruised. But it's a phantom pain. That is all I feel from my Olivia. Her phantom kisses and ghostly touches. I am haunted by her presence and I'd do anything to get her back.

I sob as I realized what had happened. It was a memory played out in my sleep. A moment burned into my soul that will never be forgotten, along with many others. But not enough. I wanted a wedding burned into my memory. Our honeymoon night, along with a life time of experiences together.

"Just a dream…"

**I know this is a private TMI moment, but I awoke with this same experience today and those pains and aches and sadness and regret. I had to write this down for some reason. It was heartbreaking today and I am sorry if I made anyone of you upset or sad. But I awoke with a false hope and it was a heart shattering realization when I realized I was alone.**

**I love you Mistress, please make my dream come true again.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note.**

**I had a quite the surprising realization with my new story I posted. It got kind of a mixed reaction. Some amazing reviews and following, but it was my least read story posted in one day. It was interesting because usually my other stories get a lot of views and that got so little. So not sure if I am going to it or not. I was going to leave it as a one shot, and only make it two chapters if my Mistress G, had responded to me. **

**I have realized with the help of fellow writers and friends I got to know here on ffnet, and that is I loved her more then she cared about me. I made a promise that through thick and thin, good and bad, no matter what I would be here for her. That I was in love with her and loved her for always and forever. That even if we fought or said awful terrible things to each other, we would always try. Well she gave up. She quit fighting for me, for us. That breaks my heart. I accused her that she didn't love me as much or at all really if she couldn't share or be open to me, I was patient. I was understanding, I didn't push and she cut me out of her life just life that. I have become quite angry at this, but I still cannot give up on her.**

**So again, Mistress… Where ever you go, whatever you do, I will be right here waiting for you. Prove me wrong and come back and fight for us.**

**Oh on positive note I am living with family again. We are working through this and it was actually good we had time apart. It was needed so no longer homeless.**

**I own nothing, not songs by Richard Marx, J Geils Band, or TV Show SVU, and all identities are protected. (WARNING, This story sucks)**

"No Abbie, I am not going out tonight. I just want to go home, take a hot shower and read a book." Alex was developing a headache.

Abbie Carmichael was here visiting her girlfriend Serena Southerlyn. The two women were friends of Alex's for years. Abbie since they went to the same school, though Abbie was two years older than the blonde and Serena since Alex started at the DA's office. Her friends also started dating a few years back and have successfully survived a semi long distant relationship. It was tough when Abbie took a job with the U.S. Attorney's office in DC and Alex thought it was going to be the end of her friend's relationship. But they survived it, but not without a few scars.

"Please Abbie. It's not even been a month." The blonde almost considered hanging up on the Texan but knew if she did she would get her asked kicked, lassoed and dragged out with Serena and the cowgirl. She could hear Serena in the background trying to talk the stubborn dark haired lawyer to let Alex be.

"FUCK! Fine, God. But you are picking me up and paying for drinks." Alex would have slammed the phone had it been the old days, but she just pushed the off button really hard. '_Maybe I will make an App that lets you make a hard hang up on a cell phone.'_

_**Later that night**_

"Come on Alex! You are taking forever, and that is with Serena's help." Abbie whined.

"And whose fault is that? I was ready when you came and you bitched that my outfit was and I quote, Darlin' you look like one of those soccer Mama's Richie rich snobs." Alex said with an over the top Texan drawl.

"I don't sound like that!" Abbie pouted.

"Sure you do honey." Serena teased back.

"That's it, you are cut off from sex for the weekend." Abbie huffed.

"I'm not the one who is a sex deviant Abs." Serena joked.

"Now I know why I don't get you two together very often. You tag team me." Abbie grumbled.

"You wish we tag teamed you." Serena husked.

"Mmmmm." Abbie moaned.

Alex was sitting on the bed in her panties and bra lost in thought as Serena dug through her closet looking for an outfit for tonight. Alex had chosen a pair of jeans with sneakers, and a nice sweater. Abbie asked when she became middle aged house wife and pushed me back into my room to find a 'hot little number' to wear.

Serena was choosing all these dresses that Alex only wore for Olivia to get her motor running or before the two were even together and she wore them to draw attention. Right now though, the sad blonde didn't want to be noticed. She didn't want to go out. She just wanted to wallow in misery.

The SVU attorney could tell she was going through the various stages of grief. She never really denied them breaking up, she knew it was her fault. But she fought for them. She had done everything she could do without becoming a creepy stalker to find and fix things with Olivia. Alex had cried every night and she couldn't cry anymore.

But now Alex was in the anger stage. The hurt blonde was so mad that Olivia would just give up like that and not fight for them. '_She said she loved me. That we were forever and would always do everything to stay that way and she fucking quit. Yes, I said horrible things but she did some horrible things too. But I wanted to stay together I was going to fucking propose for God's sake. But like a coward she just ran. Sigh, why didn't she love me enough to forgive me and stay.'_

"ALEX!" Serena screamed at Alex.

"Huh?" Alex was ripped from her thoughts.

"I have been like saying your name for like ever now. What about this one?" Serena practically shoved a dress into Alex's face.

It was a little black dress that every woman owned and had in her arsenal to attract attention. Alex rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"No."

"AAAALLLEEXXX, come on. This is perfect for tonight. You look amazing in it and you could use the self-esteem boast with all eyes looking at you." Serena shook the dress.

"Rena, I am not looking to be ogled. I am taken, okay. I don't want to be looked at like a piece of meat and fending off every horny guy or girl in there. Especially drunk assholes who think they are god's gift to the world." Alex fell back on the bed. "I didn't even want to go out tonight anyway."

"Lex…" Serena trails of sighing.

"I don't want too…" Alex was almost crying.

Serena walked over to the couch and sat next to her depressed friend. The dress is sat on her lap. An awkward silence filled the room until Abbie's voice once again echoed from the front room.

"ALEXANDRA CABOT GET YOUR ASS IN THAT DRESS OR I AM DRAGGING YOU TO THE BAR IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!"

"Fucking… I never get what I want in life." Alex sat up ripping the dress from Serena's grasp and stomped off to the bathroom to dress.

"This is going to be bad." Serena groaned.

_**At the Bar**_

"I told you this was a huge mistake Abbie." Serena stirred her margarita.

"Hey you were pushing her to go out too!" Abbie accused.

"Yes, I wanted her to come out with us to get her out of her funk. It wasn't my idea to bring her to a karaoke bar and fill her full of alcohol." Serena explained.

"Oh it will do her good to have some fun, and everyone needs to get drop dead drunk once in a while. It will make her forget about Benson for at least for tonight. I am so sick of hearing 'woah is me' for a month now. I know she loved Liv but it's time for her to move on." Abbie swallowed the last of her drink.

"Loves Olivia, not loved. She still loves her. And she still says she is taken." Serena sipped her drink.

"She needs to get laid. Find a sexy one night stand and get back in the game." Abbie looked around for Alex who was still in the bathroom, or so they thought.

"She isn't you and needs sex like a band aid to fix all your problems." Serena teased.

"And what's wrong with that?!" Abbie questioned.

"As long as it's with me than nothing." Serena warned.

"HEY! RENA! Guesth what?! They have karaoke tonight." Alex slurred yelling at one point then whispering the other.

Alex was drunk as a skunk. Abbie was trying not to laugh, but Serena was worried. She has never seen Alex this drunk before. '_She's taking this harder than any of us thought. I don't know if Alex is going to get over this any time soon.'_

"Lexie, maybe you should sit down k?" Serena reached for Alex's arm to pull her next to her.

"NO! I'm fine. I just need a wittle drinky drink." Alex grabbed Serena's half full margarita and guzzled it. "AH BRAIN FREEZE!"

Alex teetered on her heels as Abbie started to laugh. Serena glared at the brunette and just like that Abbie knew she was in trouble.

"Uh, yeah Alex why don't you sit down and we will get you some coffee." Abbie realized this was starting to get out of hand.

"I don't want coffee, Olivia drank coffee. I hate coffee and I am mad at Olivia." Alex's mood turned on a dime.

"You love coffee Alex, you live off the stuff." Serena hoped to move the conversation away from the detective and not let her friend get in a very depressed state while drunk. Right now Serena was going from concerned to outright scared for her friend.

"Al, you want to go home?" Abbie held Alex's hand.

"No! I wanna sing! Let's sing, oh I know how about 'Cherry Pie' by Warrant. MMMmmm pie sounds good. I am going to see if they have any." Alex wriggled her hand free and started making her way to the bartender.

"Fuck." Abbie swore. "I better go get her."

"I told you this was," Serena started.

"A bad idea." Abbie finished. "Yeah I know."

Abbie ran off to find Alex but somehow the drunken blonde seemed to disappear into the crowd, which was busier than usual with the addition of karaoke. She first went to the bartender asking him if he had seen a blonde asking for pie. The man pointed toward an attractive man and woman, whom Alex seemed to be hitting on. Which one exactly? Not sure but the poor couple were really uncomfortable.

"Hey Alex there you are. Let's go find Serena and we can take a walk okay?" Abbie smiled while apologizing to the couple.

"ABBIE! Hey guys this is Abbie. She is my lesbian friend. She has sex with my other friend Rena, where's Rena?" Alex squinted looking around.

"I am so sorry, she has broken up with her girlfriend and we thought a night out would do her good. As you can see that was a BIG mistake." Abbie explained to the couple.

"I didn't break up with Olivia, she fucking left me. Went on some undercover bullshit and like a coward won't even talk to me. Fuck her. I love her and she never loved me. I love them now and we are going to all go out together. What are your names again?" Alex was really making the two strangers uncomfortable.

"Alex let these people have some time alone and we can go find Serena." Abbie tried to direct Alex away from the couple before she gets thrown out or the police called on her.

"Time alone? OH! They're gonna fuck!" Alex giggled. "You two gonna fuck? Can I come too? I haven't had sex in like forever."

Before Alex embarrassed herself any further, Abbie dragged her away. The blonde made a phone signal with her hand and fingers mouthing 'call me' to the couple while being pulled toward Serena. The couple had enough for the night and luckily left without complaining to the bar about the blonde woman.

Abbie was really regretting this whole night, and honestly it was all her fault. She guilted Alex to come, and she thought a few drinks would help loosen up the usually uptight attorney. Well those few drinks turned into many, and now Alex was out of control.

"Hey Abbie, Abbie… Abbie let me go, I want to get a drink. I never got my drink." Alex was pulling her arm back.

"I thought you were going to get pie." Abbie was getting really annoyed.

"Oooo pie sounds good. I am going to ask if they have any." Alex got free and disappeared into the crowd again.

"ALEX! How the fuck do you do that?" Abbie looked for the blonde. "How the hell do I lose an almost six foot hot blonde who is barely standing?"

Suddenly a thought popped into her head. Alex was extremely vulnerable, and what is worse is that she basically asked for a threesome with that couple. Anyone could take advantage her. '_I have to find her and Serena now.' _Abbie was searching for a while, went back to the bartender who shrugged saying he didn't see the pie loving woman. Abbie decided she needed help and went back to get Serena. After another lecture from her girlfriend the two went to search for their best friend. But their search didn't last long.

"Hey everyone! My name is Alex Cabot and I am a lawyer, that's hot right? And I am single again." Alex was on the microphone for karaoke and winked at the crowd hitting on the entire room.

"Oh god," Abbie tried to get through the crowd of people to the stage.

"I am going to sing a song for all y'all. Hey I sounded like my friend Abbie. She's from Texas and hot, but not single." Alex trailed off. "Anywho, I am gonna sing a song. It's about my girlfriend who broke my heart, left me and won't talk to me ever again."

Suddenly a drum rift started soon accompanied by a guitar. Alex though drunk head banged and started dancing pretty good. She smiled to the crowd and started to sing, surprisingly rather well.

'You love her but she loves him  
And he loves somebody else you just can't win  
And so it goes till the day you die  
This thing they call love it's gonna make you cry

I've had the blues the reds and the pinks  
One thing for sure'

Alex yelled into the microphone. Abbie had made it onto the stage but what happened was something she wasn't prepared for. "Hey it's Abbie, I told you she was hot. Sing with me Texas!"

'(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah'

At first Abbie just stood by Alex not sure what to do, she started to sing the chorus with her but still tried to get them both off stage. Alex continued on without her. Abbie saw the management start to head toward the stage. '_Fuck.'_

'Two by two and side by side  
Love's gonna find you yes it is you just can't hide  
You'll hear it call your heart will fall  
Then love will fly it's gonna soar

I don't care for any Casanova thing  
All I can say is'

The bouncers stood to the side while Serena tried to explain to the manager what was going on and that they would leave as soon as possible. The crowd was a mixture of hoots and hollers, some cheered her on while other's laughed. Alex on the other hand was belting out the song like she was in Madison Square Garden.

'(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah

I've been through diamonds  
I've been through minks I've been through it all

(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah

(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah  
(Love stinks)  
Love stinks yeah, yeah'

The crowd was a mixture of reactions. Mainly at the expanse of the poor blonde, but Alex assumed it was for her marvelous performance. She was going to give the people an encore, but Abbie finally dragged her away. They were followed by the bouncers.

"Are these groupies?" Alex whispered loudly.

"Yeah Alex they are groupies and we are going back home." Abbie humored the blonde as Serena followed.

"Wow, two big strapping groupies. Too bad I am with Olivia, I hope she came home." Alex did hope in her alcohol fueled haze.

"Me too Lex, me too." Abbie knew the detective wouldn't be but she hoped for her friend a miracle would happen.

**Yeah, I know. It sucked. I just needed an outlet of my anger and I decided drunk Alex would help me a bit. Don't worry Tame will be updated soon. **

**Mistress, all I can say is. You broke your promise. But I am still here waiting, come back to me.**


End file.
